The Craft (1996)

Toilet Review: Want to feel like a teenage girl in the mid 1990s? Feel isolated and have power fantasies? Want to see Fairuza Balk lose her goddamn mind? This is the movie for you!

Summer has arrived in Toronto and the temperature is starting to climb. My poor Irish body just cannot handle it. Couple that with the lack of air con in my old ass apattment, and its a reciepe for disaster. So as I melted into a Lisa-shaped puddle during the week, i yearned for the cooler winds of autumn. I decided to watch the most autumn-y movie I could think of: The Craft.

This movie was my JAM when I was a teenager. It was everything I ever wanted. I was an isolated teenager that didn’t really have anything to rebel against. I wanted so hard to be special, and The Craft showed me that. The movie focuses on the new girl, Sarah, as she enters a new Catholic high school in Los Angeles. She is a little odd, and seems inexplicably drawn to the “misfit” group, led by Nancy (Fairuza Balk).

Soon Sarah is drawn into the oocult, and we see her meeting her new coven in beautiful nature to try and gain more power. Each of the girls has something that they want. Nancy wants power,Sarah has a love spell she wants to cast, Bonnie wants to get rid of scars on her back, and Rochelle wants to get rid of the schools most one dimensional racist.

But of course, things don’t work out quire like they want. Nancy loses her goddamn mind, and Fairuza Balk is sometimes terrifying in this. Her mind unravels and she tries to kill Sarah.

To be fair, the plot of this movie isn’t something to write home about. It’s pretty straight forward, and the conflict is pretty crap, all things considered. Doesn’t matter to me though. It’s the most nostalgic of all the teenage movies that I watched a bored 15 year old. It opened my mind in ways that I were really important at the time. I wanted to be witch, I wanted the power, and it kicked all manner of ass.

So yeah, go watch it if you ever felt like a lost teenager and wanted to get even with the world, however ill-advised. Let the autumn cooling breeze wash over you as we try to get through this horrible sticky humid mess of a summer.

 

Upstream Color (2013)

Toilet Review: The weirdness of this movie can’t be understated. nd yes, it pains me to write “Color” incorrectly.

You know those movies that all the film bloggers and reviewers love but they classify it as an “arty” movie, and it never gets the love it should get? This movie is exactly that. I remember hearing about it from the ever excellent Adam Johnston from “Your Movie Sucks”, a YouTube film reviewer that I trust above all others. His stuff is the absolute best. I remember him speaking about this movie a couple of years ago, I thought it was pretty interesting, and anything Adam likes, I generally tend to like. The man is a genius.

So, this movie is not going to be for everyone. I’m going to say that off the bat. In fact, I waited until I knew my husband would be out before deciding to watch it. I knew he would hate it, and when I tried to explain the plot to him later, his eyes glossed over and I could see his soul decide to shut down.

The movie focuses on Kris, a successful woman in every aspect of her life, when one night, her world is turned upside down by a chance encounter that ruins her life. She is infected by a parasite that surrenders her free will. She loses everything. When she happens upon a man on the train, he becomes enamored with her. Jeff (played by the director, Shane Carruth). Jeff does his best to help Kris in any way he can, he helps her paranoia, her panic attacks. He truly loves her, and I think at times he is scared by what he is willing to do for her.

This film is beautiful. Some of the most gorgeous scenes I’ve ever seen are in this movie. The shot where Kris is sleeping on the bed is just wonderful. The crisp white sheets, the soft sunlight, her peaceful breathing, her gentle movements, are all perfect. Of course, the sereneness of this shot is underscored with the unsettling feeling that she is not alone. We see movement in her body, under the surface, and the juxtaposition of the two is probably my favourite shot in the entire movie.

There are some further unsettling parts of this movie with pigs and a farmer that I’m not 100% sure what he has to do with the story. I will definitely be watching this again. I have a feeling that the more I watch it, the more I will see and understand.

Check it out if you want something beautiful and weird.

The Thin Blue Line (1988)

Toilet Review: Retro “Making a Murderer”? Sure! Why not?

In each genre of movies, there is a movie that is often considered the greatest example of that genre. It typifies everything about that genre in a way that movies that follow it can only hope to emulate. It’s the movie that if you wanted to introduce people to that genre of cinema, it’s the first movie that comes to mind. The slasher horror genre has “Halloween”. The sci fi genre has “Aliens”. You get the idea. The documentary genre has “The Thin Blue Line”. Often touted as one of the best documentaries ever made, it sits in a place in the film landscape that was untouched for a long time. If you’ve watched the Netflix series “Making a Murderer”, its exactly like that.

The story focuses on the murder of a police officer in Dallas, Texas, in 1976, and the suspects involved in his killing. We meet Randall Adams, the man who was found guilty of this horrific crime, and the consistent failures of law enforcement to investigate other lines of inquiry, even when presented by what would seemingly be concrete evidence of Adams innocence. We also meet David Harris, a troubled young teenager in 1976, who eventually confessed to the murder of the police officer, Robert Wood, but not until 1986, and after killing another man. There is something deeply unsettling listening to Harris talk about Adams, and about how he was only blamed because Harris was there. No other reason other than that.

This movie forces you to confront the rattling feeling that perhaps justice doesn’t work for everyone, and honestly, if that is the case, how can we have a society at all? When the system fails because of ignorance, either pretend or real, prejudice or just goddamned laziness, the problems that we all face just became a little bit more concerning. Adams was jailed for nothing more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. People all too happy to get their names in the papers signed up to nail a guy who did nothing more than offer a young guy a ride.

This movie has no voice over, no narration, no comforting title cards telling you updates or soft reassurances. The movie ends the same way it begins, with Randall Adams in jail with no hope of being released. This isn’t a flashy movie, there isn’t any cheesy graphics or weirdly interruptive sound cues, its just people talking about this murder and the man who did it.

It was only afterwards when I was researching the story to write this review, I came across the fact that Adams was indeed released from prison in 1989. He tried to sue Errol Morris, the film-maker as he thought Morris had profited from his life story. The pair settled out of court. Adams never received any recompense from the state of Texas for the 12 years that he spent behind bars, and passed away in 2010, out of the public eye, from cancer.

Yeah, cheery end. Sorry.

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Toilet Review: Look away now if you don’t want spoilers, any spoilers at all, because I have a lot of feelings about this movie and I am going to spoil the shit out of it.

Last warning.

Spoilers ahead. Loud, ringing klaxon spoilers.

Ok.

“Civil War” is the third Captain America movie, and it has some serious problems. Before I go on though, I need to come clean that Captain America is my favourite Marvel hero. I love Steve Rogers and his relationship with Bucky, where he came from, and the tragedy behind his character is something that I’ve always been compelled by. I’ve waited eagerly for this movie since the days that “Captain America: The First Avenger” came out. So it pains me to say that “Civil War” has a lot of problems.

In each of the three acts, there are some fantastic pieces, be they action or plot line. The movie has a fairly solid opening act, wherein we meet the team on a mission in Lagos, where, due to Cap’s obvious blind spot for Bucky, a whole bunch of people die. This spurs the nations of the world to come up with the  Sokovia Accords, requiring the Avengers to report to the UN. Cap is understandably horrified, and refuses to sign.  Tony wants him to, and this all leads to them refusing to come to an agreement. Tony leaves Steve behind in London while travelling to Vienna to sign the papers. Here we meet T’Challa, the Black Panther, and suddenly everyone is calling for blood.

I had a debate with my friends last night, as they couldn’t understand why Steve refused to sign the papers. “But surely, accountability is a good thing? Why would Steve split the team like this?” To me, Steve Rogers was, and will always be, that scrawny kid from Brooklyn. He has been pushed around all his life, by bullies as kid, by assholes as a young man, by the army when he became a veritable god.When he woke up from the ice, it was the only time he could act of his own free will. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be accountable, it’s that HE wants to be accountable for his own actions. He wants to make the decision about where to go, and how to help. With the UN holding the Avengers’ leash, this power, the power of freedom, is gone from him forever. He points out that people will always be people, and in such a powerful organisation like the UN, there will always be agendas. The Avengers agenda may line up with the UN today, but maybe not tomorrow. Maybe they will be sent to a place to deal with something that they don’t want to. Maybe the UN would choose not to send them somewhere they need to be. But this power of choice is lost to them when they sign. Steve has seen what power can do and the crippling, corruptible influence it can have. He never tells anyone else not to sign, he makes the decision for himself, and others follow him.

The middle act is where everything begins to unwind for me in this movie. It’s overly long, and the fight that we are promised in the title barely registers above “school yard scrap at 3 behind the bike shed”. It is also the most humorous act in the movie, with some nice scenes between Sam Wilson and Bucky. It takes a very long time to even get to this point though, with nothing of overt consequence happening in the mean time. We meet our bad guy, Zemo, up close and his motive is seems pretty legit. Suddenly the race is on to Siberia. We see Steve and Bucky have a few moments together, and they reminisce. It is clear that Steve is reveling in having his best friend back. They work together in a way that they haven’t in neatly 70 years but it’s like they’ve never been apart. Steve shields him, and Bucky covers Steve in movements so natural, its as if they had always been doing it.

Finally, we come to the last act, and because of the meandering, bloated middle act, the last act fails to stick the landing. There are numerous red herrings that feel cheap, and I was left wondering why our villain did what he did. It seems overly complicated and I’m not sure if the set up warranted the stated outcome. If Zemo wanted the Avengers ripped apart, there was not whole lot of sense as to why the last act played out like it did. He could have just headed to Siberia, got what he needed, came back and fucked shit up right from the get go, but no, we have this long movie that leads to something that could have been done in the first 20 minutes. It’s thematic as fuck though, the pay off. It certainly couldn’t have been revealed in a more resonant place. I’m not going to spoil the reveal, just in case you happen to stumble across this before seeing the movie, but suddenly the Sokovia Accords are the least of the things dividing Tony and Steve,

I understand Tony’s reaction. He isn’t a man that is known for his calm, collected response to anything. But I did feel that he acted illogically. Tony knows the truth about the reveal, he knows that the circumstance surrounding it is exactly how Steve is telling him, but yet he continues to ignore the rational point until the very end, and even then I’m not sure he understands. Tony has become more and more hypocritical throughout the movie, but here it really takes the biscuit.

I feel like the end is particularly powerful, with Steve leaving his shield behind as he struggles to walk away with Bucky. He’s walking away from everything he knows, everything he stands for, to protect his dearest friend. It’s a wonderful point in Steve’s story. He knows his friend is safe now. After everything, he may finally be able to make it up to Buck.

I do feel that perhaps this movie might have been misnamed; the “Civil War” of the movies is certainly not the “Civil War” of the comics, but it’s hard to know what to call movie that needs to set up the Sokovia Accords, and have the Avengers split, so I guess it’s sufficient.

There is some pretty swish cinematography in this installment of Cap’s story.  The last fight between Steve and Tony in particularly stands out. As the morning sun rises, suddenly their fight is bathed in this fragile sunlight, indicating that it’s more than just a new day, it’s a new beginning for them both, however they may want it to play out.

All of this being said, I liked the movie. But I’m biased as hell. Steve Rogers could be a commercial for ice cream and I’d love it. If you are an Avengers fan, go see it. If you like Steve Rogers, go see it. If you aren’t generally pushed about comic book movies either way, and haven’t seen many of the previous installments, I wouldn’t bother. You will be confused as hell, and will be annoyed by the meandering, often overt plot.

But yeah, I’m going to go see again in the cinema, and I’m going to get the dvd when it comes out. Because I’m a giant fucking loser, and Steve Rogers is my goddamn heart.

Snowpiercer (2013)

Toilet Review: You ready to learn all about snow from an Inuit cleaning woman?

“Snowpiercer” is an odd movie. It has all the hallmarks of an excellent dystopian science fiction piece but just doesn’t seem to land quite right. It focuses on the story of Curtis, played by the ever fabulous Chris Evans, and how he wants to help the poverty stricken residents of the rear section of this never ending train ride. Eighteen years ago, humanity launched chemicals into the atmosphere in an attempt to finally end global warming. They were designed to cool the planet but they cooled it too well, and the entire planet froze, killing billions. Except for our band of survivors on the world’s last remaining working piece of technology. Based on where you ended up in the train, your life is very different, and as you can imagine, those at the very rear of the train have a very different life to those at the front.

Curtis and his mates are dependent on the front section for everything, including food, water, and their very lives. He is sick of this, knowing that the front lives an infinitely more extravagant life than he and his ilk. He chafes at the injustice and after spending months in the making, decides to revolt. This is the main thrust of our story, and it is the most interesting part of it. Watching as Curtis and Jamie Bell’s Edgar make their way up the train and how they deal with all they uncover is a pretty unique story point. Throw in the Korean securities expert and his drug addled daughter, the hunt for missing children, and one hell of a fucked up classroom, you have all the ingredients for this movie.

Tilda Swinton, my favourite actress, is in this and as much as I want to give points to the movie for having her, I just can’t. She’s criminally underused in this. Her character was possibly one of the most interesting and she just seemed to get taken out of the story, just as it was getting good,

I didn’t love “Snowpiercer”. I really wanted to. I wanted to watch this movie when it first came out in the cinema, not only because of the weird ass story line and Chris Evans, but because it was something different. However, time and time again. I’m reminded that different doesn’t always mean good. Don’t get me wrong. It’s fine. But that’s the problem. it’s “fine”. In six months time, I probably won’t be able to give you any more details than “Chris Evans was in it”. If it comes on a tv channel, or if you are at a friend’s house and they suggest it, go for it, other than that, maybe don’t bother. Turns out the great white cold North just ain’t that interesting.

Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)

Toilet Review: The grandest ol’ Western that you ev’r did see.

Man, this movie has it all. You want fights? It has it. You want love? It has it. You want bad ass characters with bad ass lines? Yup, has it. You want a love story that isn’t rubbed all up in your face like some sort of desperate cat? Come on down! Breathtaking cinematography? Yes. A score to chill you to your bones? Sure!

A Sergio Leone movie is always going to look fantastic. A master of the long shot, and being able to allow suspense to build without resorting to cheap tricks, Leone was unrivaled in his craft. He brought the Western genre alive in way that I have yet to see bested. His movies are rich and colourful, and always seem to make the West a character in the movies itself. It seems to be a living, breathing character along with Charles Bronson and Henry Fonda, and plays just as important a role.

This movie has several plot threads that all seem disconnected from each other in the beginning but slowly seem to be pulled tighter and tighter into one unmistakably dense mass of betrayals, deceit and the promise of a brighter future.

Our main character, of a sort, is Harmonica. A quiet man who speaks rarely, but can shoot through the eye of a needle.He carries an old harmonica with him that he plays frequently, the same few notes over and over again. We know he is looking for a guy named Frank. Frank, meanwhile, is the meanest sonofabitch that you ever did meet, and ends up framing local bad boy Cheyenne for something that Cheyenne just ain’t too happy about. Let’s add a busty blonde woman named Mrs. McBain who arrives from New Orleans for a better life, and suddenly we got outselves one giant pot of shit that can explode at any moment.

What I really like about this movie is that Leone does not give a crap about run time. He made the movie that he wanted to and if it takes almost three hours to tell the story, then that’s how long the movie will be. It’s full of long, lingering shots that add tension to already heavy scenes.The score accompanies this movie in a way that is just perfection. It suits it so well.

An absolute classic movie in every sense of the word, but a titan in the Western genre. See it, thank me, see it again.

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

Toilet Review: One young girl learns the joys of capitalism, whilst having a snarky talking cat.

This was always one of those movies on my “I totally should watch this” list, which you can imagine is quite the long list, and never quite managing to get around to it. It’s a typical Studio Ghibli movie; its gorgeous. It looks like a fairy tale in every aspect. The dreamy scenery, the snippets of a wider world, and a simple story.

Kiki is a thirteen year old witch, and when a young witch reaches thirteen, it is tradition that they leave home for a year and study to become a full time witch. Kiki does just this, and accompanied by her little black cat, Jiji, ends up in a gorgeous city by the ocean that maybe doesn’t need the help of out fledgling witch but Kiki decides to make the best of her situation.

I really can’t tell you more than that without totally ruining the story. Like a lot of children’s movies in general, this one is pretty straightforward. There is no hidden meaning, no deeper symbolism than what we see. There isn’t really much to look at in terms of the story. Sure its entertaining but it’s pretty thin on the ground, especially in contrast to other Miyazaki movies, like Princess Mononoke and Grave of the Fireflies.

I saw this in one of the local cinemas close to my apartment, and it had a certain charm to it that all movies on big screens do. I did end up watching the dubbed version, which is not my preferred way of watching non-English language movies. I think that dubbing sometimes removes important aspects of the dialogue, or important cultural clues that may be implicit in the script.  I will definitely end up watching the Japanese version, because of the previous reasons mostly, but also because I ended up furiously whispering to my husband about whose voice I was hearing and I was so convinced it was Mandy Moore (it wasn’t) and Phil Hartman (it was!).

Definitely a gorgeous movie, worthy of Miyazaki. Glad I watched it but I’ve preferred some of his other movies.

 

Daredevil (2003)

Toilet Review: Imagine a picture of a broken man here. That’s it. That’s how this makes me feel.

I know it’s been some time since I announced I was going to watch all the movies in order. And for the most part, I have. I was very good about it, watching all the properties that could even any way be linked to Marvel. But this movie was the one that put a slow to my roll very quickly. I remember I watched about fifteen minutes of it about twelve months ago and just couldn’t go any further. It was just too awful. Too campy. Trying to be too serious. But with the advent of the excellent Daredevil series from Netflix, and having just completed season two of that, I thought it was about time that I went back into the Marvel hole and look upon their shame.

Ben Affleck plays Matt Murdock, a blind lawyer with a penchant for violence and a very tenuous reason to be in the movie at all.  From an early age, Matt has had to survive on his own, after losing both his eyesight and his father to violence. He grows up, becomes a lawyer and has a bumbling friend Foggy. So far, so Netflix.

Then suddenly we are thrust into an awkward romantic plot with his future Mrs, Jennifer Garner, who plays Elektra. Now, I’m sure Elektra is meant to be a bad ass, but this is not one of those times. They have a SUPER out of place awkward fight/flirt scene and suddenly they are in love forever.

Cue bad guys, murder, even more awkward romantic scenes. And Colin Farrell being ridiculous. But he’s the best part of this. Made me giggle numerous times, but I’m not sure if tha’s a good thing.

I can see where this movie was trying to go, but honestly, it just doesn’t quite make it. It was made before the dawn of the comic book movie formula that we know today, so its a bit rushed in some places, a bit stilted in others and really doesn’t do a very good job of trying to make me want to get to know Matt better.

If you want to see Matt Murdock played with love and care, and true to form, watch Netflix’s version. Don’t even bother with this mess.

Deadpool (2016)

Toilet Review: If you liked the advertisements and trailers for this movie, go see it. Other than that, avoid it like that plague.

I love Deadpool. I think he’s a super interesting comic book character that has a lot of depth, wrapped up in a big ol’ blanket of irreverent humour. I’ve read graphic novels and comics of the man himself on and off for roughly about 5 years, and was pleasantly surprised when I heard that there was going to be an actual movie dedicated to him. I wondered how the studio, or even the actor, was going to pull off Deadpool, who has such a unique way about him.

Honestly, I need not have been concerned. Ryan Reynolds absolutely NAILS Deadpool in every single way. The snark, the sneer, the one liners, all of it is just how I hoped it would be. Everything about Reynolds’ portrayal is spot on. He seems to be having the time of his life in the movie. I’ve never seen actor clearly having as much fun on set as Ryan Reynolds did in this movie.

The music is perfect for this movie. Every song selection just hits the right spot without it feeling too much or over indulgent. No song feels out of place and I am delighted with the songs chosen. Whether it’s “Calendar Girl” by Neil Sedaka or “X Gon’ Give It To Ya” by DMX, it highlights the scenes involved in a way that I can’t picture them without it.

However, that’s where it stops being awesome. The story is lighter than light, and a strong breeze would cause it to keel over. I know it’s an origin movie, and I know that every origin movie has to be sort of explanatory. But Deadpool’s motives are just so flimsy.  I wonder honestly, if Deadpool would have spent as long as he did, doing what he was doing, his big epic revenge plan.

If everything I’ve said above still excites you, you are going to love it. Go see it, bring your friends, and laugh your goddamn ass off.

 

 

The Revenant (2016)

Toilet Review: Turns out that not only is Leonardo di Caprio a great actor, he is also impervious to nature!

This is one of those movies that I wanted to like more than I actually did. Technically, its a fantastic movie. The cinematography is great, the score is great, the performances are outstanding, but it never quite settles into being the sort of movie that I hoped it would be.

The movie takes place in the depths of the uncharted American wilderness at the beginning of the 19th century. Our main character, Hugh Glass (Leonardo di Caprio) is leading a fur acquisition expedition when suddenly the group is attacked, causing plans to change, and already boiling tensions between men that haven’t seen a warm bed or a bath in months, simmer over. Throw in some racism and a whole bunch of greed and you get “The Revenant”.

What I liked about this movie is just how wonderful it looks. From the beautiful scenery to the perfect lighting, this movie just oozes character from the very beginning. You know from the outset what sort of world this is without a character ever saying anything. I also liked the tactile sense that the movie had. Every scene made you feel colder, made you feel more isolated, more scared of your environment, I certainly felt like it was me and Leo, hoofing it together it out in the wilderness.

I will probably watch the movie a second time just to get a better of sense of it, as I have previously mentioned that I feel like it just didn’t gel all to well, and I want to see if that was a problem with me or the movie! I feel like the pacing was a bit slow, even for this slow paced movie. We got to see Leo in a whole variety of different “Oh NO!” situations that seemed to get old really quick. I think this movie has more day to night, and night to day transitions that I’ve seen in a long time.

If you want to see a movie set in the wilderness, in the 1800s, with a story that makes you pause, I would probably recommend “The Hateful Eight” over this movie. I didn’t feel the nearly three hour run time of that movie, but my god, did I feel every second of the two hour and forty minute run time of this.