Ant Man (2015)

Toilet Review: Come for the ants, stay for the after credits scene.

When I read, a long time ago now, that Marvel was making an “Ant Man” movie, I was at first a little sceptical. Given that the movie comes so late into the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), where we already have a cast of characters that we have grown attached to, a cast of characters that some already have had two standalone movies (but Black Widow or Hawkeye get none. Seriously Marvel?!), I was a little worried about how Scott Lang aka Ant Man was going to fit it.

“Ant Man” ends what Marvel is calling Phase 2 of their MCU, and to be honest, I’m not really sure what the movie brings to the table. The movie is a pretty bog standard heist movie, with Scott, played absolutely perfectly by Paul Rudd, is a recently released prisoner who tries to go straight, but really wants to see his kid. He ends up doing “this one last robbery” that will set him up for a long time. Of course, things do not go well, and Scott gets roped into a bizarre plot involving chemistry, betrayal and one hell of a lame ass villain.

If you are at all familiar with the “Ant Man” story from the comic books, please do understand that this movie only takes the absolute bare minimum from them. The Wasp ain’t here. Janet Van Dyne, possibly one of the most important characters in the Marvel Comic Universe, does not exist here in the MCU. Well, she does. She just is Hank Pym’s wife who is stuck at sub-atomic level, and will never be free. She provides nothing more than a flimsy excuse for Hank’s daughter, Hope, to hate her father. The whole Pym/Van Dyne family situation is a mess, and probably best not to poke to hard at it, lest the whole thing peel away in your hands.

Oh wait, there hasn’t been a romantic subplot yet? We have ten minutes left? Let’s just shoe horn in some random scene that totally comes out of nowhere and makes no sense at all, but hey, we gotta give the hero a lady to fight for!

This isn’t a bad movie. It’s pretty funny in places, but the plot is held together by tape and good wishes, and any serious look at it causes it to wilt in the sunlight. Go see this movie if you’ve seen all the other Marvel movies, just so you don’t get confused when Ant Man shows up in upcoming movies.

Also, that goddamn end credits scene. Holy crap. I’m not going to spoil it, but if you love your heroes as much as I do, then you will be a happy camper!

Citizen Kane (1941)

Toilet Review: Rosebud. Rosebud. Rosebud. Rosebud. So mystery. Much suspense.

This is one of those movies that falls into a specific category for me. The category of “I have to see, even if it’s not really my cup of tea.” Citizen Kane is possibly one of the most famous movies ever made, and has spawned countless references in popular culture in the past 70 years. From the Simpsons to Mystery Science Theatre 3000, the references are almost as classic as the original work.

The movie itself follows six reporters in the wake of media mogul Charles Foster Kane’s death, and the mystery of his final word, “Rosebud”. The majority of the story is told to us via flashback, either through newsreel footage or memories. Kane had a traumatic childhood, and used this to create the enigma that he was to become as an adult. His life became almost a parody of itself, and thus the drive to figure out what this mysterious man’s last word could have meant.

I get this film, I mean, I do. It’s one of these movies that you just HAVE to see. It’s influence and aesthetic have inspired numerous film makers to pursue film-making. The ever glorious Orson Welles can’t help but take up the screen, his personalty just oozes off the screen. I totally bought him as the cut throat Kane.

In saying all of this, I can’t help but feel like the story lets the whole movie down. There isn’t a huge amount of drive in it, and the whole thing hinges on the curiosity of a small group of people, for a reason that doesn’t ever seem to be explained. For this reason, I found the whole thing rather a chore to watch. Perhaps if I was to watch it a second time, I wouldn’t feel the same way, but it’s not going to happen soon.

A slog and a half if ever there was one.